Free Your Mind: Replace Judgment with Curiosity

One of the most powerful lessons I ever learned came during a writing course. At the time, I was working on a musical called Curiouser, inspired by Alice in Wonderland. The teacher shared a concept that has profoundly impacted my life since: “Replace judgment with curiosity.” They explained that we often judge ourselves harshly while writing, continually self-editing and stopping the creative flow. Instead, if we could replace those judgmental thoughts with curiosity—wondering what might come next, exploring where the words are taking us—we could unlock a more authentic, uninhibited narrative.

This idea resonated so deeply with me that I began applying it to other areas of my life. What if, instead of judging what I do or don’t know while learning something new, I just got curious? What if, rather than critiquing myself in my teaching, I simply grew curious about what was or wasn’t working? What if, when I experienced strong emotions, I got curious about why I felt that way?

Yet, the biggest shift happened when I applied this approach to my judgment of others.

Seeing Others as Reflections of Ourselves

In the LGBTQ+ community, there’s no shortage of beauty standards and “desirable” traits. Like many, I internalized these standards, viewing anything that didn’t align as a personal failing. I believed if I didn’t check certain boxes, I wasn’t good enough. However, I was introduced to the concept that everyone we meet is, in some way, a reflection of ourselves. Often, we react strongly to others not because of who they are, but because they mirror aspects we’ve judged in ourselves.

When we judge others, we’re often projecting our own insecurities and self-criticisms. This perspective was a revelation for me. Realizing this helped me understand that no one “makes” us feel a certain way; instead, we are responsible for how we interpret and respond. With this awareness, I could approach interactions with curiosity instead of quick assumptions.

Turning Judgment into Curiosity: Three Key Steps

This isn’t always easy—judgment often feels automatic or subconscious. But with a few intentional practices, we can rewire our thinking. Here are three steps that have helped me, and that you might find useful too:

1. Increase Awareness: Start by noticing when you’re judging. This could be toward yourself, others, or a situation. To make this more concrete, try keeping a “judgment journal.” Each time you notice a judgmental thought, jot it down. Over time, patterns may emerge, showing you the situations or traits that trigger judgment.

2. Unpack the Judgment: When you have time, revisit these judgments and explore what might be driving them. Is it related to something you feel insecure about? For me, many of my judgments stemmed from comparison and a fear of inadequacy. By unpacking this, I began to see how these judgments were less about others and more about areas where I needed self-compassion.

3. Replace Judgment with Curiosity: Curiosity is an open door, inviting us to explore, while judgment closes the door. When we approach situations with curiosity, we gain empathy and a broader perspective. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we can ask ourselves, “What might be happening here?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting to curiosity helps us feel more expansive and connected to the world around us.

The Power of Letting Go

One of the best parts about letting go of judgment toward others is that it naturally softens our judgments of ourselves. The critical voice that once seemed so powerful loses its grip when we no longer give it room to judge others. Imagine if we all went through life leading with curiosity instead of judgment. How much more connected and compassionate would we feel toward ourselves and others?

This practice doesn’t transform everything overnight. It’s an ongoing journey with ups and downs. There will be times when you slip—when someone cuts in front of you or says something frustrating—and a judgmental thought pops up. And in those moments, you can try not to judge yourself, either. Instead, get curious: why did that bother you? What might it reveal about you and your values?

By consistently choosing curiosity over judgment, we begin to build a mindset that’s more resilient, open, and full of empathy. This approach helps us see others as fellow travelers on this journey, each doing their best with their own experiences. The more we embrace this, the more at peace we’ll feel with ourselves.

Imagine the Possibilities

As we navigate through our daily interactions, shifting from judgment to curiosity can open us to a world of new possibilities and deeper understanding. By replacing criticism with openness, we can foster stronger connections and greater empathy—not just toward others, but toward ourselves.

So, ask yourself:

• What would happen if I approached each new person or situation with curiosity rather than assumptions?

• How might my relationships shift if I became more open to understanding instead of judging?

• What would change in my own self-talk if I practiced curiosity with my inner voice?

Your Turn to Reflect and Experiment

Try applying this approach for a week, observing where judgment arises and seeing if you can replace it with curiosity. Notice how it affects your perspective, your connections, and your sense of peace. I’d love to hear your experiences—what surprised you, what challenged you, and what insights you gained.

How could you benefit from leading with curiosity in your life?