The Cost of Repression

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” — Sigmund Freud

I’ve been thinking a lot about repression lately. Freud had plenty to say about it—how anything we push into the subconscious doesn’t just disappear but lingers, waiting for its moment. We may not shine light on these parts of ourselves, but they live in us. Sometimes, they even live in our DNA.

Ever wonder why some habits feel impossible to change?

I love food. There’s a part of me that would eat fried chicken and chocolate chip cookies every day, maybe throw in a donut for breakfast. And while I eat better than I have in the past, I still work on my relationship with food. I love the idea of eating mostly fruits and vegetables, cutting out processed foods, even being vegan.

And yet, yesterday, I had sugary cereal, cheese curds, and lasagna.

So why don’t I eat healthier all of the time?

For so long, I shamed myself into trying to eat “right.” And I wasn’t alone—people fat-shamed me throughout my life, reinforcing the idea that my worth was tied to my body. If I was thin, maybe people would like me. Maybe I’d finally belong.

But here’s the thing: repression doesn’t eliminate desire. It amplifies it. The kid in me who had to hold back, who had to eat in secrecy, who learned to hate himself with every bite—that kid is still hungry. Not just for food, but for freedom. 

Every time I ate healthy, I did it from a place of shame, instead of a place of love. I reinforced the belief that what I wanted wrong. That I was wrong. And so the pendulum swung. Aftern spending years suppressing my cravings, of course, when I endulge, I overindulge. That’s how repression works—the parts we try to erase return in an unbalanced state. The pendulum swings to the other extreme. 

The Trap of Binary Thinking

“My father’s house was a nightmare; your house was a dream. Now I want something in between.” - Cinderella, “Into the Woods”

At the root of repression is often binary thinking—the idea that things must be one way or another. You’re disciplined or indulgent. Healthy or unhealthy. Masculine or feminine. Success or failure.

But that’s a false choice. Those are just two ends of a spectrum. And life isn’t lived at the extremes.

Think about temperature. Hot and cold seem like opposites, but they’re just different points on the same scale. Most of us don’t want to live in scorching heat or freezing cold—we want something comfortable in the middle. And yet, so many of us get stuck swinging between extremes.

We binge and restrict. We overwork and collapse. We go all in or completely check out.

But the goal isn’t to live in extremes. The goal is balance. The middle path. The space where we can acknowledge all parts of ourselves without shame or repression.

And that doesn’t happen overnight.

The Repercussions of Repression

Healing isn’t linear. When we finally address what’s been buried, it doesn’t always emerge gracefully. Sometimes, it knocks things over on its way out.

But that’s not a setback—it’s a correction. It’s the natural consequence of something being held down for too long.

I see this playing out everywhere right now. That’s how the universe works, isn’t it? The lessons we need to learn appear again and again, in different forms, until we finally get it. As within, so without. As above, so below.

The patterns are there if we’re willing to see them.

And once we do, we can stop fighting them and start realigning.

Looking Back to Move Forward

To take a real step forward, we sometimes have to look back.

This is why shadow work matters—because the parts of ourselves we reject don’t disappear. They simply wait, or worse, fester. If we don’t face them with love, they will demand our attention in other ways.

For a long time, I thought healing meant purging—cutting out the parts of myself I didn’t like, as if they were weeds choking the garden. But I’ve learned that healing is more like integration. Those parts aren’t weeds. They’re just overgrown, tangled, and in need of care.

Cutting out a part of yourself reinforces the idea that there are parts of you that are unlovable. 

Instead of rejecting them, we give them what they’ve always needed: love, patience, and a seat at the table.

Because they are a part of you. And they deserve love, too.

And maybe that’s true for my relationship with food, too. Maybe it’s not about forcing myself to eat a certain way or swinging between extremes. Maybe it’s about listening—about honoring what my body wants while also giving it what it needs. Maybe it’s about making choices from a place of love instead of punishment.

Because when we stop repressing, when we stop fighting against ourselves, we make space for something gentler. Something sustainable. Something whole.

What About You?

We all have something we’ve been pushing down, something waiting to be acknowledged. Maybe it’s an old story you’ve been telling yourself. Maybe it’s a part of you that was shamed into silence. Maybe it’s a belief that no longer serves you, but still lingers in the background.

So let me ask you:

• Where in your life is there an opportunity for more balance instead of extremes?

• What’s something you’ve been repressing that might need your attention?

• How could you meet that part of yourself with love instead of shame?

Please feel free to reach out and share what you learned! I’d love to hear from you. And if this resonated, share it with someone else who might need to hear it, too.

Healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about reclaiming what was lost. And you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you. I hope you have the best day.