How I Found Discipline in Self-Love
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with discipline.
When it came to doing something for a paycheck or meeting someone else’s expectations, I’d push through. I’ve always been a hard worker. But discipline for my own growth? For something that was just for me? That felt impossible.
“Do you want to be a great musician?” Sure. “You know you need to practice, right?” Of course! I’d tell myself I was totally going to practice.
But honestly, to this day, I’m not even sure I know what “practicing” a musical instrument is supposed to look like. I’ve always been the kind of person who figures things out on the spot and hopes it works out.
And that’s how I approached most things—working out, eating healthy, nurturing relationships. They all felt like habits I should have, but I couldn’t muster the discipline to stick with them.
Why? Because discipline, to me, always felt like a drill sergeant—angry, unkind, and relentless. A loud, muscular man in a tank top barking orders, demanding obedience. That kind of energy made me rebel. If that was what discipline looked like, then I didn’t want any part of it.
The Ritual That Changed Everything
Then, one night, everything shifted.
I was halfway through my bedtime ritual when I stopped and thought about how much I loved this moment of my day. For most of my life, I had been the kind of guy who used 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner—practical, unfussy, and unconcerned with anything beyond the price.
But that night, I brushed my teeth, massaged conditioned my beard, washed my face, applied a nighttime cream, and put a calming oil blend in my diffuser.
And as I stood there, I realized something: I wasn’t doing these things to look younger or more attractive. I wasn’t performing some task out of obligation. I was loving myself. I was caring for myself in a way I never had before.
I hated myself for so many years—deeply, painfully. I didn’t just dislike parts of me; I loathed them. That kind of buried self-hatred taught me that I didn’t deserve tenderness, care, or gentleness.
But now? Now I love myself enough to end each day with these small acts of care. I pamper myself—not to meet someone else’s standard, but to honor myself.
And in that moment, I thought: how beautiful is this?
From Discipline to Ritual
This shift got me thinking about discipline and the connotation it once carried for me.
Today, I’ve found a different way to look at it. For me, discipline has become ritual.
Ritual is gentle and wise. It’s warm and beautiful. Ritual doesn’t bark at me; it invites me. And through ritual, I’ve come to appreciate the role discipline plays in building a life of self-love and care.
Discipline doesn’t have to feel like punishment. It can feel like love.
How Do You Show Love for Yourself?
What are the ways you show yourself love each day?
Most of us are so good at loving others. We pour ourselves into the people around us—our partners, our friends, our kids. And maybe, if we’re lucky, some of that love gets reflected back to us.
But how often do we turn that same love inward?
For me, building rituals into my day has helped me honor time for myself. It’s a moment to check in, to care for myself the way I wish I’d always been cared for. And that small shift has transformed my relationship with myself.
I hope you’ll find ways to do the same. Maybe it’s not a bedtime ritual. Maybe it’s your morning coffee, a daily walk, or even just five quiet minutes to breathe. Whatever it looks like, I hope you give yourself permission to love yourself as fiercely as you love others.
Your Turn
I always write with the hope of sparking curiosity or lighting up new possibilities for your life.
If something here resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it. How do you show yourself love? What rituals help you feel more connected to yourself?
And if this story made you think of someone who could use a little more self-love in their life, feel free to share it with them. It might be the reminder they didn’t know they needed.
As always, I hope today is your best day yet.
