The Year I Learned to Choose Myself

Last year tested me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

I was drowning in more credit card debt than I could emotionally handle. I felt like I had become a terrible teacher—I wanted to quit my job every single day. Anxiety attacks would hit me out of nowhere, leaving me unable to breathe, think, or cope.

It got so bad that my husband encouraged me to have a mental health assessment. He had every reason to suggest it. On a Saturday in April, I told him I wanted a divorce. By the following morning, I’d decided I couldn’t go through with it.

What followed was a season of reckoning.

An assessment pointed me towards an outpatient mental health program and I decided to take FMLA leave for the rest of the school year. At first, I didn’t think I needed it. Just a month prior, I’d completed a life coaching certification, convinced I finally understood myself. I had also lost 50 pounds since summer through a consistent yoga practice. How could I possibly need this much help?

But sometimes, you can’t see how broken you are until you step back.

I pushed through the end of year concerts for my students, knowing I might not be coming back—missing the goodbyes, the closure, and graduation. I grieved for those moments. My students likely thought I’d abandoned them. 

But for once in my life, I chose me.

And that moment—choosing myself—changed everything.

Recovering from People-Pleasing

I’ve spent a lifetime bending myself into shapes that other people wanted to see.

When I was a child, I learned that my natural self wasn’t “right.” People around me corrected everything:

•“Don’t hold your coat like a girl.”

•“Don’t walk like that—it looks like you’re floating.”

•“Don’t cross your legs that way. It’s not how boys sit.”

Worse, growing up in the ’80s taught me that being gay was dangerous. Kids like me were called slurs in the locker room. TV and even adults around me said, “Those people deserve to die.” They warned that even touching a gay person could give you AIDS.

What does that do to a child? It made me believe I wasn’t worthy of love. That being my true self was a death sentence.

I prayed every night to be “normal.” I begged God to take away my feelings for other boys.

But the truth was: I stopped showing people who I really was. Instead, I became the person I thought they wanted me to be. And in doing so, I chose them over myself. Every. Single. Time.

The Power of Choosing Yourself

So when I decided to leave teaching for the rest of the school year to focus on my mental health, it was the first time I truly chose me.

It hurt people. Some were angry. Some were confused. But I had to be okay with their discomfort because I was finally putting myself first.

And everything shifted.

Today, my life looks nothing like it did last year:

•I’m divorced. Our house is sold. Our lives untangled.

•I’m debt free.

•I’m more flexible and stronger than I’ve ever been due to my yoga practice, and back to the size I was in college. 

•I feel more aligned and joyful than I have in years. My students tell me they notice the change.

•I’m exploring what it means to be gay without shame, for the first time in my life.

It feels like a Renaissance, I get to finally figure out who I am.

And the answer is simple: I am someone who now chooses myself.

To Anyone Struggling to Choose Themselves

Maybe you’re stuck in a place where you feel like everyone’s needs come before your own. Maybe you’ve spent years prioritizing other people’s happiness over your own authenticity.

I want you to know: it’s possible to stop.

When I chose myself, I didn’t just change my life. I reclaimed it.

Perhaps you are feeling like last year tested you in ways you couldn’t imagine, or that this year is going to be that year. So today, I’m asking you to take one small step. Ask yourself: 

“What’s one way I can choose me today?”

Maybe that means saying no to something that doesn’t feel right. Or letting yourself take a break when the world says to keep going.

Whatever it is, start small—but start.

You deserve the love and care you’ve been giving to everyone else.

I hope my story helps you see what’s possible when you choose yourself. And if it truly resonates, share this with someone who needs to hear it.

I love you. May today be your best day.